Font Changes That Could Save the Government Millions, or Cause Armageddon

by kevin on April 4, 2014

comic sans font armageddon


Mr. SmartyPants

Font Choices Could Save, or Destroy Us – There has been a lot of attention this week about a teen named Suvir Mirchandani who’s science project predicted that simply changing fonts would save the U.S. Federal government upwards of $200 million.

How is this possible? Basically, our government prints out a lot of pages, and therefore uses a lot of ink. They are currently using a standard font, “Times New Roman,” but a switch to a thinner, more efficient font, “Garamond,” would save a significant amount of ink.

So, apply that savings to the government’s $1.8 billion printing budget, and you get a significant annual savings. The proposal made a big splash, and was later reported by CNN.

Here’s what the two fonts look like:

garamond font save millions

Well, I’m going to take this a step further, and propose that a Government switch to Comic Sans font would cripple our country, and possibly lead to Armageddon.

Yes, the Comic Sans Font May Cause Armageddon

WTF?! you say. You’re probably still digesting the fact that the government could save more in a single day by simply switching fonts than all of your organs are worth on the black market, and then I lay this on you?

It’s true, and here is how it would happen. In a recent press release, the U.S. issued a warning to Syria, but what if it were issued in Comic Sans instead of Times New Roman? First, this message would be broadcast across the media:

comic sans font quote

Immediately foreign countries and terrorists alike would sense the President’s weakness, inferred by this clownish, poor font choice, not to mention the tacky, colorful accents added in primary colors.

What would happen next?

Emboldened by the President’s perceived weakness, American Embassies across the globe would be stormed, diplomats would be attacked, and Vladamir Putin would rip off his shirt using only his teeth.

Sensing the political turmoil, fear would enter the financial world, and stock markets would drop around the globe.

In an attempt to quell the volatility, the President would issue another release touting the strength of the U.S. economy… also in Comic Sans font!

People would make a run on banks to withdraw their money, only to realize that, in a cost-savings effort, comic sans had also been used on the currency…

comic sans dollar font

Comic Sans… Not So Funny, After All

Soon, the value of the dollar would plummet, and double-digit inflation would immediately take hold. All of the major holders of U.S. debt would rush to sell it, and interest rates would spike. The price of gold would hit $5000 an ounce, and Americans would flood into the streets, brandishing many of the 200 million guns currently registered in our country.

Marshal law would be declared, and things would only go down hill from that point. There is no reason to go into the shocking details of what would happen next, but I will tell you that within a week, Mexican villagers would be eating your pets.

So, what should Americans do?

So, now you see the power of a simple font? While Mr. Mirchandani rightly hypothesizes that a font change could save our country millions, I remind you that a poor choice for this new font could end in Armageddon.

Before taking a radical step like changing our government’s standard font, let’s encourage them to at least save money on the ink that they do buy. Imagine what we could trim from the Federal budget if we used generic, name brand compatible ink for brands like Epson instead?

A 20% savings on that $1.8 billion dollar printing budget would yield a savings of over $360 million. Also, ANY size order is eligible for the current 10% off coupon from 4inkjets. That might just tack on another $100 million in savings. Foreign companies like ecofont also strive to save ink through more eco-friendly fonts.

These coupons, are of course, not simply reserved for the government. Check out today’s coupons for 4inkjets 123inkjets and here!

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